The Things We Do For Whirlpool Tubs
by SuperKateB
Summary: The boys take a roadtrip, and conversation ensues. (BugNigel.)


**"The Things We Do For Whirlpool Tubs"  
A Crossing JordanFanfiction  
In the "Strange Bedfellows" Continuity  
Written by Kate "SuperKate" Butler**

The map rustled in his hands.

"So, how long a drive is this, again?"

Bug didn't look away from the road. "About seven hours."

"That's quite the jog, pet."

"Yes, I know. I go to this entomology convention every year" He paused. Frowned. "You didn't have to come along."

"And pass up a morgue-sponsored stay in a top-rated hotel that includes a whirlpool bathtub in its standard rooms? I think not, Buggles!"

The map rustled again.

"You're never going to get that folded up again."

"I bloody well will!"

"Of course."

o-o-o

"...can we turn on the radio?"

"Provided it's not techno."

"But I enjoy techno!"

"Yes, and I enjoy driving without a pounding headache."

"If I drive, we could listen to my techno, pet."

"If you drive, I will walk to my convention. You drive like a bat out of bloody Hell."

Nigel made a face. "I do not."

"Yes, you do."

"...how do you feel about rap?"

"No."

"Country/Western?"

"Yo-Yo Ma."

"Heavy Metal?"

"West Side Story."

"...silence is okay, too."

o-o-o

The map rustled a few more times, and then ended up in the backseat.

"Seven hours is a long time, Buggles."

Shaggy eyebrows shrugged. "Yes, it is."

"It can get awfully boring."

"Your point?"

"We could, you know, pull over, and - "

"No."

"Haven't you ever wanted a quickie on the shoulder of the highway, love?"

"No, and I'm more than a bit disturbed that you have."

"It's a natural yearning, pet! You can't deny the call of nature, the knock-knock-knocking of desire stirring within your knickers, the - "

"Thank you, Nigel, for that lovely description."

"So, then, you'll do it?"

"...no."

o-o-o

"49 bottles of beer on the wall, 49 bottles of beer... Take one down, pass it around, 49 bottles of beer on the wall!"

Bug sighed. "That's enough of that song, now."

"But, pet - "

"No. If you must sing, something different will do."

"...anything different?"

"Anything."

"Alright, then."

He cleared his throat and sang a few tuning notes. Bug rolled his eyes.

"This is the song that doesn't end. Yes, it goes on and on, my friend! Some people started singing it, not knowing what - "

Bug groaned. "What the Hell?"

A glorious pause left Nigel smirking. "Well, in my defense, you did say 'anything.' Now, where was I? Ah, yes."

Bug wondered if dashing out his own brains on the steering wheel, while driving, was too horrible an idea.

"...not knowing what it was! And they'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that doesn't end..."

o-o-o

He reclined his seat and stared at the car ceiling.

"Are we there yet?"

"Nigel." The annoyance was obvious.

"Yes, pet?"

"Do you have any notion of exactly how long we've been on the road?"

"Well, we left at noon..."

"Yes."

"...and it's now one-thirty. So, an hour and a half?"

"Correct. And how many times have you asked if we are there yet?"

"I lost count somewhere around twelve, love."

"Good. Now that you know that, listen closely, because I'm only going to say this once."

Nigel's eyebrows arched. "Alright..."

"If you have any dreams of surviving this weekend without being drowned in that whirlpool tub that you've been drooling about, you will put on your iPod headphones and leave me the Hell alone for the rest of this bloody ride."

"But, Buggles - "

Brown eyes lowered to a dangerous glare. "I'm not kidding, Nigel."

"...you aren't, are you? Alright, then."

For the next five and a half hours, Bug thanked every god he could ever remember learning about for Apple, small favors, and - though he would later deny it - the promise of a whirlpool tub.

**Fin.**

Standard Disclaimer: Crossing Jordan belongs to NBC and Tailwind Productions, not me.

Author's Notes: Just some drabble-ish goodness for you all.

"Strange Bedfellows" is a collection of fics that claims Bug and Nigel as a full-fledged couple. If you like the two and want to catch up on their other adventures, try the following on for size:

"Outside, Looking In"  
"Possible Impossibilities"  
"The Taste of Lime"  
"24/7"  
"The Element of Surprise"  
"Realistic Fiction"

March 9, 2005  
12:02 a.m.


End file.
